Overcoming Self Sabotage in your wedding business

Show notes:

Do you struggle with being visible in your business? Whenever I speak on visibility – people always say they don’t feel confident to put themselves forward and I want to help you change that feeling. Today I’m chatting to makeup artist and confidence coach Camilla J Collins about overcoming self sabotage in your wedding business.

We discuss everything from putting your face on social media to stopping comparisonitus.

Want to find out more about Camilla?

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Time Stamps:

Gaining Experience and Building Confidence [00:00:00] The importance of gaining experience, building confidence, and finding what you enjoy in the wedding industry.

Camilla’s Background in TV and Film [00:01:52] Camilla and Becca discuss their similar backgrounds in the television and film industry and how it led them to the wedding industry.

Transitioning from Assisting to Starting a Business [00:07:07] Camilla shares her journey from assisting other makeup artists to starting her own bridal business and getting clients.

Building Confidence and Gaining Experience [00:08:33] Importance of gaining experience, finding passion, and building confidence in the wedding industry.

The Importance of Doing the Work and Building Experience [00:09:18] The value of starting at the bottom, gaining experience, and learning from the ground up in the wedding industry.

The Highs and Lows of Being in the Wedding Industry [00:11:02] Discussion about the highs and lows, struggles, and learnings from working in the wedding industry.

The power within ourselves [00:17:14] Camilla discusses her motivation for writing a book about the beauty industry and the importance of building confidence from within.

Reasons behind self-criticism [00:18:37] Camilla explores the reasons why people often feel critical about their appearance, including lack of self-acceptance and societal pressures.

Comparison and the impact of social media [00:20:28] The conversation delves into the issue of comparison, particularly on social media, and how it affects self-confidence and self-image.

Building Confidence and Focusing on Yourself [00:26:25] The importance of focusing on your own strengths and not comparing yourself to others in the industry.

Importance of Showing Your Face [00:29:21] Why it is crucial to showcase your face and connect with people in the wedding industry.

Overcoming Self-Sabotage [00:32:43] Tips and resources for dealing with self-sabotaging behaviours and limiting beliefs that hold you back.

The importance of not listening to negativity [00:35:00] Discusses how negative comments can affect us and the importance of focusing on positive feedback instead.

The need for in-person networking [00:37:15] Talks about the importance of getting out of our comfort zones and connecting with people in person for business growth.

The importance of agility and not getting too attached [00:39:55] Discusses the need to embrace change and not become too attached to the way things are in order to progress smoothly.

Transcript:

Camilla: There’s no way around gaining that experience. And the more you do, the more you learn and the more confidence you build and the better at things you get. And the better you know, what you like and what you don’t like. And I think that’s extremely important because you’re running your own business. You’re in charge of your own time and what you do.

So you might as well make it something that you enjoy and something that’s in line with you and focus on that. And that way you’re going to have. You’re just naturally going to glow. People are going to be drawn to you, and you’re going to have success with it.

Becca: I’m Becca Pountney, wedding business marketing expert, speaker, and blogger, and you’re listening to the Wedding Pros Who Are Ready To Grow podcast.

I’m here to share with you actionable tips, strategies, and real life examples to help you take your wedding business to the next level. If you are an ambitious wedding business owner that wants to take your passion and use it to build a profitable, sustainable business, doing what you love, then you’re in the right place.

Let’s get going with today’s episode. Today I’m chatting with Camilla Collins. Camilla is the founder of CJC Hair and Makeup, an agency that offers luxury hair and makeup for weddings and corporate events. Through her work in the beauty world, Camilla became passionate about helping people feel confident from the inside out.

And over the last few years, she’s written a book, spoken on stages, and helped numerous clients find their inner confidence. I know that showing up as your authentic self can be a struggle for a lot of you. So I’m really excited to dive into this conversation today. Camilla, welcome to the podcast.

Camilla: Oh, thank you so much for having me.

It’s awesome to be here, Becca. Thank you.

Becca: I am really excited to have you because I know that this is an area that lots of my listeners really do struggle with, and we’ll get into it in more detail in a little while. But. First I want to ask you a little bit about your background because I’ve been doing a little bit of research and I think me and you actually started in a very similar way.

So my background is I studied television at university and worked in television and I believe you did a similar kind of thing.

Camilla: I, I did. I did indeed. Yeah. So my background is hair and makeup artistry and I was initially trained in TV, film and theatre because that’s what I thought I wanted to do. I didn’t know you were in, in TV.

That’s really cool by the way. We’re going to come back to that. But yeah, so I went off to train at a place called Grease Paint and I did the TV film and theatre kind of course and there was a little bridal session in there as well. I won’t say session, it was a… Yeah, it was quite a few days we did on Bridal, and I just, I really enjoyed it, I loved it, but I was younger then, and I think the tutors were like, you know, if you do Bridal, then you don’t have any weekends free, you know, that’s that, and so I was like, oh, I don’t know about that.

And I love the special effects side of things. Little did I know that if you’re in film and TV, like, you have, never mind weekends, you just have no time free. Working all the time. But yeah, I started off in the filming industry and then I ended up assisting on a couple of weddings, just, you know, gaining experience, building up portfolio and all of that.

And do you know what Becca, I just absolutely loved it. It didn’t feel like work to me. It just felt like getting ready with the girls on Saturday morning. And to be honest, it paid better than the filming stuff. A lot of that was, you know, at that time anyway, I sort of did a, a year kind of, you know, collaborating.

Working on things kind of for expenses only. And, you know, it’s tough. You may or may not get your foot in the door and, you know, I like to stick things out and I’m happy to work hard, but I just, I felt called to weddings and it’s what I really, you know, loved being part of someone’s special day and, you know, working with them to find that.

Dream look, there was a lot more kind of emotion in it and I’m all in for the emotion. Whereas, you know, when you’ve got fashion or filming or you work on an e commerce stuff, you know, the models are just to do a job. The actors, they’re just to do a job. They don’t really care. They just kind of sit in the chair.

So you don’t kind of get that relationship really. And that’s, that’s kind of what got me into, into weddings. And so, yeah, I built up my. Bridal started building up my bridal business myself. Then I turned that into an agency because I could only be in one place at a time. I still can only be in one place at a time.

However, you know, the, the team now can go out for me and yeah, I just got frustrated. I think, you know, not so much. Now, and I’m sure we’ll, we’ll talk about this at some point, but weddings used to be very seasonal, you know, it was summer and kind of that was it. And you’re done. And it was weekends, not so much week.

And now it’s obviously kind of, you know, throughout the year, people are getting discounts or, you know, on different days or different times of the year, so that was really kind of the push to, to create the agency, because I get, you know, four inquiries for one day and I could only be in one place. And, yeah, so I built the agency up still did the special effects work, so Halloween was very busy in hospitality for us, and it still is, we, we do that as well, we look after sort of corporations for parties and events, so I still have the special effects work there, but I’m more for the general public rather than the TV and film industry.

Becca: Fascinating. I love hearing people’s stories, I think it’s really important for us to… build on that foundation and understand where someone’s come from to really understand why they’re doing what they do now. And I also think there’s a lesson in there straight away for people to learn that the grass isn’t always greener because people do look at the television industry, the film industry, and they’re like, Oh, that’s where I wish I could be.

It’s so glamorous. I want to work in that area. But as we both know, having worked in it, I mean, I worked on Deal or No Deal, Strictly Come Dancing. I worked really hard and it was exciting. But it was exhausting. It was a hugely long hours. Like there was no maternity pay when I wanted to have children.

Like it was just insanity. And now when people say to me, Oh, I’m just I’m just in weddings. I wish I was in TV and film. I’m like, you should be really happy. You’re in weddings. Cause it’s a much more exciting industry. You can choose your own timescales. You’re not working yourself into the ground. And also you’re just a commodity in TV and film.

I’m sure you’ll remember this from like, there’s just someone there and saying, right, you’ve got 15 minutes to do this makeup and then they need to be on set. So it’s not about. like enjoying the experience. It’s literally just get in, get out and do the next thing.

Camilla: It’s so true. And it feels like everybody else has kind of, I don’t want to say like you don’t feel completely like valued, but it’s like everybody gets the time they need.

And it’s like, how long for makeup? And I’ll be like, Oh, 15 minutes. No, you’ve got five. And it’s like, okay, and yeah, it’s just, it’s really difficult. It is really kind of fast paced and you just sort of have to get it done. And it’s great when you’re doing interesting stuff. And obviously all jobs are kind of different.

If I was doing special effects things all the time on film, then it would be great. But quite often I’m just sitting there powdering people and I’m watching my makeup crumble under the heat of the lights and the dehydration of the actors and actresses that are doing take after take after take. And there’s a lot of hanging around as well.

Yeah, it’s, I like to. and do, I can’t stand sitting around doing nothing, but that’s just me.

Becca: As with everyone’s journey and everyone I speak to on this podcast, there will have been things that you learned from that experience, which have kind of helped you with where you are today. So you moved from TV and film, you decided to go for the wedding.

So you said that you kind of had a couple of people that you are assisting for. How did you go from just assisting for a couple of people to thinking, yeah, actually I’m going to do this as a business and start getting clients.

Camilla: Sure. So, You know, back then I was literally on, I kind of had to, it’s actually really important that I created a routine for myself because I had no kind of structure, no one to call me into a certain place, you know, you’ve got to be your own boss.

And I remember just refreshing job boards, after job boards, after job boards, kind of each morning and emailing out and just sending lots of emails through either, you know, for collaborations and Yeah, there was a woman in St. Albans who had a makeup business, and I can’t remember what the website was that I found her on, but I reached out to her, and actually it was her really that I started doing kind of a lot of weddings with, just assisting her, and that’s kind of where it, where it began, and you know, a lot of work kind of came through.

That way, but prior to that, you know, it was more kind of collaborative shoots, just building up portfolio, which is important, you know, we need the even more so now we need those kinds of images and, you know, thankfully we don’t have to print off, you know, physical portfolios so much anymore and it can kind of all go or go online with digital images, but yeah, it was very much just reaching out to as many people as possible and just finding my thing, you know, in terms of for me, obviously it wasn’t Justin in the weddings, but also.

With like fashion editorial, filming, short films, music, videos, commercials, you know, finding my way with that, it was all kind of experience. But I mean, if you are just going for the weddings. industry and events. You know, there’s so many different types of events you can work on. There’s corporate events, there’s private events, there’s obviously weddings, you know, there’s children’s birthday parties.

There’s, you know, there’s so many different things that you can, you know, try out for yourself and find out what lights you up and where you, where you kind of fit. So, so yeah, after assisting for a while, I just thought, you know what, I can, I can do this. I can do this myself. I can do this on my own. And, and you have to do.

You have to put the work in sort of under other people to build your confidence. And again, that is a process. You can’t shortcut that. Although I was having a conversation, we did a style shoot this week and I was just chatting to everybody, the team. And we’re just saying how much the, I would say Gen Z have like serious balls to just go in for stuff now, and they’re actually not willing to do kind of the.

You know, don’t want to do the work sort of behind, they just want to go straight in, but actually I think they’re doing themselves a disservice because you find out so much about yourself when you’re, you know, on the job doing the stuff that you don’t want to do and just learning from the ground up rather than going straight in at the top.

And it builds your own confidence so you have a much easier time of it rather than being anxious the whole time in this like, you know, anxiety sort of pit while you’re just trying to, trying to get stuff done. So. Yeah, building slowly is, is my advice and just getting the, doing, getting the work and getting the experience in.

There’s no accounting for experience, you know, you can’t learn that at, you know, whatever school you went to, whether it’s floristry school or event school or makeup artistry, you know, you have to get out on the ground working with different people, different personalities, different curveballs being thrown at you from, you know, jobs, the world, life, and all of that as well.

And just, It’s working out how to navigate it all in your own way.

Becca: It’s so true. And I think that for me is one of the things that I did really learn from working in television and film, actually, because the culture in that industry is everyone starts at the bottom. Everyone gets their hands dirty.

Everyone takes out the rubbish and goes and makes people coffee. But over time you build that experience and the next thing you know, you’re high up, you’re a production manager, you’re a director, you’re a producer, and that’s how that works. And I think you’re right. We need to keep that mindset in our own businesses that, yeah, we need to do the work.

Just because you want to be a wedding planner doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go and work at a venue. or assist another wedding planner or go and work for a catering company and understand how that side of it works because all of that experience is going to be great. Now, lots of the people listening are going to be in that part of the business.

I know you’ve gone on to do your agency and all the stuff you’re doing now, but lots of people listening are still going to be there. They’re one man bands. They’re out there trying to get their weddings. Would you just share a couple of the real highs and a couple of the real lows and learnings from your time being in that place that they are now?

Camilla: Oh, goodness. Do you know what? I think the majority of the highs are at the beginning because it’s all new. It’s all exciting. I think the struggle comes when you kind of have to make that, you know, level up and that’s where it’s kind of difficult and things sort of get a bit and you get stuck in your ways of doing things and The world is evolving faster than it ever has before.

And I think the number one skill that anyone can master in their business is being agile with it. And also not getting too attached to it, not over identifying with it as well, which is something I think. I certainly did myself. And I think we all do when, you know, they say your business isn’t your baby.

It’s like, yeah, but it is, you know, you pour so much heart and soul and particularly in the wedding and events industry, because you’re working with people on, you know, some of the most important days of their life. There’s so much emotion attached in that. And it’s very easy to kind of, you know, obviously get overly invested in that and sort of get kind of stuck in there that you’re not actually running your business.

Properly, you’re not sort of thinking about, you know, sales and marketing and profit and all the things that you need to, or you’re just too invested in, in your couples, or your brides or your grooms or whoever you’re working with, but yeah, I mean, the highs, there were so many highs at the beginning, you know, networking was fresh, even I just, I think I over networked myself at one point, you know, I love building the website.

That was like, oh, I just can’t be bothered to like do that anymore. I love writing blogs. I can’t write another blog, you know? So it’s, it’s about sort of getting, keeping it. Fresh for yourself and switching things up. So, I mean, for me, there were just so many highs, like everything was, was a high. And I think the lowest points for me, I mean, I’ve not had, you know, everyone says, Oh, have you had like bridezilla’s?

You know, it’s the number one question. I’m sure everyone can relate to that. Who’s listening now? Because everyone always asks that who’s not in the wedding events industry. And, you know, thankfully, I think, you know, you attract You attract what you put out in terms of, you know, what you’re kind of marketing, you attract the right people.

So as long as actually you’re being true to you and you’re not copying someone else, you’re not trying to be something that you’re not, you should actually get the right couples or in our case, the right brides coming to you. So we’ve not actually had a massive problem with that. I think when I was working for other agencies, you know, starting out that, you know, there was a tricky couple of trials, but I was learning, you know, that that didn’t go so well.

It wasn’t the end of the world. It felt like the end of the world back then, but. I think in this business in particular, it’s more so actually. Another, another greatest skill is people, you know, probably more so than, you know, for us, the makeup and the hair, more so than even, you know, the flowers and the cake.

And, you know, obviously all that has to be brilliant and fab, but handling people I think is the most important. important thing that you can, skill you can master. And that’s why, you know, going back to what we’re saying about working from the ground up, the more people you can come into contact with, the more personalities you have to deal with, the more emotions you have to manage for other people, like the better you will be in the wedding and events industry.

Becca: Absolutely, absolutely. Now you strike me as someone that’s a little bit like me, very entrepreneurial, where you do something and then you get bored really quickly, and then you want to do something different, and you’re always looking for new adventures. And you wrote a book. Tell me, how on earth did you come about deciding to write a book?

Tell us a bit about the book, because writing a book is something that I keep telling myself I should do, and then I talk myself out of it, because it feels like a lot of hard work. So tell me about your book. Why did you write the book? What’s it about?

Camilla: So, first of all, stop shoulding all over yourself.

Like, do you want to write this book? You know, you’ve got to get honest with yourself. And funnily enough, I’ve had the opposite thing to you because you’re like, Oh, I always want to write a book. And I hadn’t, well, I think it crossed my mind, but it wasn’t something I’d sort of obsessed over. And what happened was I did a business accelerator in 2019 with a company called Dent Global.

And it focuses on the five P’s, which is pitch, Publish, product, partnership, and I’ve now forgotten the fifth one, but yeah, the other thing, but publish obviously relates to a book. And normally when people go through, it was like a nine month business accelerator, you tend to grab onto one P you can’t do it all at the same time.

And I think that’s another point to anyone listening to also remember that we can’t do all the things we have to focus on one thing at a time, maybe for that week and then go on to the next. But yeah, I just, I just latched onto this publish kind of set. I was like, I want to write a book and. It basically became apparent because, you know, I was doing a lot of mining for the gold within myself during this process on, on this accelerator and thinking, you know, what, you know, what is my passion?

What is my purpose? What do I want to create sort of business wise, you know, onto the next level. And it became apparent that I was basically, I felt really. Sick and tired of being part of an industry that was so invested in our lack of self worth. And that was the beauty industry and I was torn because I love weddings and events as I said, you know before and the people but The whole beauty industry side and I found more and more people, you know When I was writing articles for people or you know interviews and things are like, oh, can you give us a product recommendation?

I’m like, no, it’s all the same shit. Like it doesn’t you know, that’s not what it’s about It’s about you know, the power of the technique. And it’s more about the techniques itself and the artistry. And that was very much what it was for me, you know, the artistry. And so I just felt like it was constantly kind of pushing products and, you know, peddling treatments and new and an inter technologies coming out all the time.

It was actually severely overwhelming. And I felt like I was compounding the problem of people’s lack of self confidence in themselves. And, and basically that’s what I really, well, I guess. You focus on, you know, what you focus on, you kind of see more of, don’t you? And I just, I just noticed time and time again that nearly every single woman that sat in my makeup chair and looked at her reflection in the mirror immediately apologized for the way that she looked and ultimately who she was or who she is.

And so I wanted to just… Just write this book that probably got a bit of my anger out at the whole kind of, you know, thing, but you know, out the marketing tactics of the beauty industry, and, and sort of wake people up to the, the power that they already have within themselves and the confidence. Like we all have confidence within us.

It can get knocked, you know, for various reasons, which is probably a whole other podcast. But you know, just, just. Getting people to identify, you know, the power that they have within themselves and stop turning to all the quick fixes and stop falling for all the marketing tricks and tactics of not even just the beauty industry, but just, you know, all, all marketing creates a lack, a feeling of a sense of lack within us.

So I just wanted to remind people of that and just empower them really to build confidence from the inside out and not. The outside in.

Becca: What an incredible mission. Why do you think it is then that the brides who sit in your chair have that feeling? Like, why is it that we all look in a mirror, and we all do it, and go…

Oh, I don’t like how I look.

Camilla: I think, I, I, there’s so, there’s so many reasons I don’t know which one to start with, but you know, I, I just, immediately I’m just thinking back actually to when I was in makeup school and we worked on each other. And personally, I found it really uncomfortable to sit there when it was my turn, obviously, and someone to work on me, staring at my reflection for that long, you know, long period of time.

And so on that note, I think a lot of us And increasingly more so now, don’t spend enough time with ourselves. We are very busy, we’re sort of running around, we’re quite distracting, and, it’s, I think that’s kind of a, a realization that, I know it’s a, a reflection, but I think also, you know, we need to be spending more time getting to know ourselves and getting comfortable with ourselves and accepting ourselves.

And I don’t think many people are very accepting of themselves. And, you know, of course we all have that sort of need to or want to fit in. And that’s really important. You know, for our survival to be, you know, within a community and to feel love and to feel safe and secure as well. And so I think that’s where we have a problem with comparison and we compare ourselves to other people.

And obviously that’s rife now with social media and let’s not even go into filters and all of that, you know, that that’s tricky as well, but I think it’s just. You know, people just not, not being used to themselves and, and just distracting themselves with stuff, not intentionally, but because they’re just sort of so busy.

And I think, you know, we, we can easily, or each of us easily can counteract that when we spend more time with ourselves, getting to know ourselves and raising our sort of self awareness on, you know, who we are and how unique we are and how wonderful that uniqueness is. Because again, you know, we had this.

Kim Kardashian, when she, with the rise of like the cookie cutter faces that you saw on social media, everyone looked the same. And that was, you know, the contouring technique that has been around and makeup artists have used for ages because it’s a drag technique. So of course, it’s going to completely change your bone structure.

But I think that’s when there was a kind of a real sort of shift and people. Basically making themselves look like everybody else. And that was on a physical, but I think everybody tries to be like everybody else as well. And that’s, that’s uncomfortable. That actually moves you further away from yourself, rather than bringing you back towards yourself.

And that’s what we need to be doing in order to feel confident about who we are.

Becca: I think it’s absolutely fascinating. I could talk to you about this all day, especially, and I see all of the time, you know, I was talking to you before we hit record about how we had our wedding business retreat last week.

And one of the things that we do as part of that is give everyone a brand shoot and everyone got their photos back. And most people have loved them, but people are so critical about themselves. Oh, I don’t like how I look like this. I look a little bit fat in this picture or my arms a little bit awkward.

But when I look at the pictures. not as them. You know, I’m looking at pictures of other people. All I see is beautiful photos. I see these wonderful photos of them looking really professional. And those little details, I just don’t even notice them. I’m just looking in the eyes of the person. I’m not looking at their waistline or their, you know, their hairline or the way that they’re holding their arm.

But yet we, we stopped putting those images out because we are so critical all of, of ourselves. And I think it’s just really sad.

Camilla: Yeah, yeah, this is the thing, you know, we, we are the center of our own universe, aren’t we? And we think, you know, we just, we hone in so much on, on things and, you know, I’ve had the same with people in the makeup chair, and there’s this, amazing book called, and, and actually it was a bit of inspiration for my book, Maxwell Waltz, I want to say, Psycho Cybernetics it’s called, you know, and he was, he just talks about, You know, actually the problem not being in how we look, it’s what we’re, you know, if it’s, I don’t know, we don’t like our nose, for example, it’s, you know, whatever kind of beliefs or potentially like past trauma that we’re channeling into our nose that, you know, or a feature on our face or something about our body, that’s the, that’s the issue.

And so, yeah, that’s why he was, you know, a surgeon and he’d do this completely transformative surgeries on some people and they, you know, afterwards they look in the mirror and it’s like. It hasn’t changed. They literally couldn’t see the difference. They just felt exactly the same. And so it’s nothing to do with the outside.

It’s very much what’s going on on the inside of us. And that is, you know, this is the problem. And cosmetic surgery, you know, was on the rise before now. It’s more kind of Botox and fillers and things. And you can have as much of that as you want. You can use as much, you know, makeup as you want, but actually it’s not going to change how you feel.

And that’s very much why. I was called into doing what I do now. Obviously I still have the agency. So I told you about phase one earlier with, with makeup school, the bridal agency, but, you know, confident, the confidence coaching and lifestyle coaching that I do, because I wanted to make lasting change and, and again, not be privy to the quick fixing and kind of supporting the problem where it’s, you know, I wanted to help people do the work inside that then creates.

the long lasting change that means also people save a lot of money if not having to, you know, buy all this makeup and, you know, on this cosmetic procedures or, you know, even fashion. It happens with clothing as well. We’re not feeling good enough and we attach onto labels or, you know, style. And again, style is great expression of who you are and, you know, makeup can be fun and used for that.

And it’s a great expression too. But they’re great tools, not, they shouldn’t be used as crutches, you know, you should be fine without these things. Well, you should be better than fine. You should be awesome without these things. You just use these things to enhance and kind of decorate rather than being reliant on them in order to feel good about yourself.

Becca: So we’re basically trying to fix the wrong things, aren’t we? We’re trying to do quick fixes like, Oh, I just stop eating and lose loads of weight or I’ll just go and have surgery on my face and then I’ll feel better. But actually, we probably won’t feel better because we haven’t done that in a work. Now I know there’ll be people listening to this who are really resonating with exactly what we’re saying and thinking, yeah, this is me.

I don’t like how I look in pictures. So I’d really love, as I’ve got you here, for us to just be able to share some really practical advice that the wedding business owners. listening can start to channel and to try and change some of this mindset, to try and undo some of these negative beliefs about themselves.

So I’ve got a couple of different scenarios I’d love to share with you to just get your thoughts and feedback on really, and to think if there’s practical things that people can do to change their mindset around these things. So the first one, we’ve mentioned it a little bit, is comparisonitis. So I know a lot of my wedding business owners look at other people’s businesses on Instagram or Facebook and feel like everyone else is more successful than them.

And therefore they must be doing something wrong or everyone else looks better than them, or they’re too old, or they’re too young. Like I have it both ends of the spectrum. I’m too old to be successful. I’m too young to be successful. I’m not living in the right past. part of the world to be successful.

Whatever it is, they have this comparisonitis. So do you have any thoughts about how we can help ourselves and stop getting ourself in that mindset?

Camilla: Well, firstly, I just want to hold my hands up and say, that, you know, that affects me too. That still, you know, as much as I’m aware of it, it still affects me too.

And that’s why this love hate thing for social media. And you know, it’s other ways you see out in the real world too, but I think social media really exacerbates that problem. And it’s really hard for us as business owners because we have to be on it as well. And, you know, people say, yeah, but, you know, you’re a content creator, you’re not a content consumer, you know, don’t consume, but you still have to be on the platform.

So you’re kind of treading that, that fine line. So I just want to say, I totally understand. And it’s not something I don’t think we’re ever fully going to get rid of. So we just have to train our brain to focus on other things, i. e. What you are doing and not what everybody else is doing and what you have to give and not what everybody else has to give.

Because, of course, there will be people out there that are way better at things than you are, but you are better and way better at things, at other things, than they are. And that’s where your focus should be. You know, not what on every, not what everyone else has, but what you have. And the problem is, when you compare yourself to others or you’re, you’re just even looking too much at other people, then you start, You know, you start manipulating your own actions, you start changing the way you behave, the things you start doing, and that actually is going to draw the wrong things to you, the wrong opportunities to you.

So it’s just kind of a reframe. I guess what I’m trying to say is, is have a think about it another way. And, you know, if you’re, if you feel you’re. You know, too old, for example, to be starting a business or, you know, you’re past it now, go and find information that supports the opposite view of that. And because there’s so much out there, you know, like JK Rowling, for example, and you only have to Google it and you’ll get so many people like, you know, Walt Disney, the, the ages of people building sort of business or having success.

And again, it really smashes that whole like overnight success thing right out of the park when you see. All the stuff that’s, you know, gone behind and the work that’s had to go in to get people there. And again, it goes back to what we’re saying at the beginning of this chat, where there’s, there’s no way around gaining that experience.

And the more you do, the more you learn and the more confidence you build and the better at things. You get and the best, you know, what you like and what you don’t like. And I think that’s extremely important because you’re running your own business. You’re in charge of your own time and what you do. So you might as well make it something that you enjoy and something that’s in line with you and focus on that.

And that way you’re going to have, you’re just naturally going to glow. People are going to be drawn to you and you’re going to have success with it. If you don’t do that and you’re chasing the money or. you know, chasing what other people are doing and, you know, spending far too much focusing outside of yourself rather than inside of yourself, then you’re not going to get very far.

Becca: Really, really helpful. Okay. Scenario two. I’m really testing you today. I’m going to take you all over the place. Scenario two is again, something I see a lot. So I teach marketing to wedding business owners. I talk a lot about being visible, getting yourself out there, showing up as yourself, being unapologetically you.

And they say to me. I don’t want to put my face out there. I can’t possibly do a reel. I hate the sound of my voice. I don’t want to talk to the camera. I don’t want my face anywhere on my website. I don’t like anything about myself. Can I do it a different way? And I always say to them, just be yourself.

But you know, there’s deep work for them to do there. So if there’s people here who are just scared of putting themselves out there, like if you’ve got any thoughts or helpful tips for them.

Camilla: Sure, this is such a, such a common one, please put your face out there, because that is what people connect with, and particularly online, it is so noisy, it’s pretty oversaturated, kind of everywhere, people don’t connect with yet another image of, like, a cake, or a makeup, or, you know, Chair coverings, I don’t know, for example, like people connect with people.

And of course you want to showcase your work there, but it’s so important that you do show your face. So I think number one is just realize how important that it is in order to be seen and be heard. Now, number two, I totally get the confidence thing and, you know, it also can feel like quite egotistical as well and self centered to be putting that out.

So, there’s probably a few beliefs that you’re harboring there. So again, that’s kind of the inner work and you might want to do a bit of journaling around that. And I really encourage… well, as I’ve said, you know, getting to know yourself is so important, but taking intentional time out, even if it’s just 10 minutes every single day to do, you know, either some thinking by yourself, some writing, journaling, writing’s really good.

And, you know, or even just talking out loud. I was out walking the other day and I was, I live in the countryside. There’s no one around. I’m having a whole conversation with myself, just trying to hash out what’s going on in my brain. But you know, that’s, that’s really helpful to get to the root of actually what’s.

Getting in your way because it’s you that’s getting in your way. And so you need to find out what the belief is that is causing that. And you know, the third thing is anything that you haven’t done before is scary. It’s uncomfortable, it’s difficult, and the only way it’s not going to be scary and not be uncomfortable and become easy.

is by doing it. So I always say, set yourself a little challenge. And you know, I had a bit of a social media break, since I moved here, so for February and yeah, it was a good few months. I wasn’t really online. So to get myself back in it, I committed to going, well, I didn’t go live. I would have liked to on the stories, but yeah, the reception around here wasn’t great.

So I did a video every single day of the week for 30 days, I think it was like 35 in the end, and, you know, it was uncomfortable and some days I didn’t want to do it, but, you know, I showed up and did it anyway, and now I’ve got no problem because I felt a bit of anxiety, or like, or also like, oh, what do I say, or what do I…

You know, yeah, it was just really, I didn’t know what to say online or, you know, how to be, and just doing that for 35 days, like it just got easier. I was glad it was over. I’m not going to be doing that, you know, again in that stint, but, you know, it builds the habit and then it makes it easier for you.

So it’s like the short, sharp kind of burst to get the motivation and momentum and build your ease with it, and then you can dial it back down. So that, doing that little challenge yourself somehow would be, would be useful.

Becca: I think it’s really helpful for people to understand that, you know, you, me, people that are listening to this podcast might think, oh yeah, they’ve got it all together.

We’re struggling with this ourselves. I love that you shared that moment of like, actually I had to get back online and I had to do these things because it is easy for us to look at other people and think they’ve got it all together. But all of us are having these conversations with ourselves. All of the time, and all of us are struggling with self sabotage.

That’s something that I see in my wedding business owners all of the time. Like they’re the, it’s hard to get through some. It’s like, you’re just standing in your own way. Just let it go. Self sabotage is a big thing. What can we do about that?

Camilla: 100%. Well, I have something for that exactly, actually. Because it’s, it’s super common with my clients.

Self sabotaging kind of behaviors, and again, getting to the root cause of that. So I’ve got a few free resources on the website, actually, but one of them is a self sabotage, a self sabotage masterclass. So, , it’s about 30 minutes long, and I highly recommend anyone, like, if, you know, you’ve resonated with anything that we’ve just spoken about, to go, to go and check that out and download it.

And it just, yeah, it just goes through it, and it just gets you thinking a different way about. There’s, there’s always something. You’re not stupid. You know, none of us are stupid. So we’re gaining something by not doing something we feel we ought to do. So we need to find out what that is so we can like switch it around.

 And I’ve also in my book, got, there’s a chapter called The Three P’s, which is, pain, pleasure, and perception. And so it talks about relinking, you know, what you assign pain to and what you assign pleasure to. And you can easily do that. You know, when you change your perception on that and, and sort of relinking things.

So, you know, that’s, that’s another, another way of looking things to get yourself out of this rut, I guess, that you’re in that’s, you know, stem from limiting beliefs that are holding you back.

Becca: And we have so many limiting beliefs, don’t we? I mean, for myself, I put a lot of photos of myself online. I do a lot of videos and people are like, Oh, that’s so great that you’re confident to put your face out there everywhere.

And sometimes my friends make fun of me, my non business friends, they’re like, Oh, your face all over the internet. And I’ve had to. frame that belief because if I thought too much on that I would hide away and never turn my phone back on again. But actually I say to them, yeah, but I’m helping people grow their businesses.

So if I didn’t show up and put my face on camera and give them the advice, then they would be still struggling. So. You can get over the fact you’ve got a cutesy in my face because I know that I’m helping other people and I think it’s changing that narrative in our heads and realizing actually what I’m doing is serving, not like people don’t care that my hair is slightly out of place because I’ve just given them a piece of helpful information.

Camilla: Totally. And I think you, you know, you’ve hit the nail on the head. And one thing I will say, and I, you know, I’ve had these comments too. And I think back when I started out, like, I, it’s weird, I will feel annoying now when I post too much, whereas when I started out I didn’t feel annoying. Again, it’s that, like, high vibe, you know, when you’re exciting and, you know, enjoying everything.

You don’t really care. But a lot of people that don’t have their own businesses are the first to comment. Like, oh, it’s too much, oh, it’s, you know. And they don’t understand, so don’t listen to them. we have this negativity bias anyway, where we’ll latch onto the negative comment rather than the good stuff.

So just, you know, wake up a bit when that happens and think, okay, I’ve had this one negative comment from someone, but actually what good comments have I had? And then you’ll see, you know, you’re actually getting more of a better response. And I think personally, you know, again, with the center of our universe, we feel like all eyes are on us.

Again, as I’ve said, it’s so busy out there. No offense, but no one is focused on you, like, you know, no one’s focused on you at all. And a friend of mine, actually, we were chatting the other day, my accountability buddy, he’s out in Dubai now, he’s got a business out there, but he was talking about a woman that, I think she’s got quite a big following on, on social media.

And she was, you know, going online every day to promote a product. And, you know, it felt like too much, but she was going on like, you know, all the time, repeatedly promoting it. And. People didn’t realize when she had a baby, she was pregnant the whole time for, for nine months. It was like, Oh, I didn’t even know you were pregnant.

And that’s how much people actually don’t realize, even though she was on camera every day, you know, you feel like you’re doing it too much, but people aren’t really taking notice or they’re scrolling past, you know, you don’t really know, or the tech gets interrupted. So as much as you think you’ve got X amount of views, it actually might not necessarily be that.

So just. Just keep going. And who cares what other people think anyway? Like, they’re not, they’re not your people or they’re not your clients or they’re not your friends. Like, you know, screw them. Just, just focus on you and the ones that are drawn to you and just cultivate that.

Becca: So true. And I say to my friends, if you’re seeing too much of my face, feel free to unfollow me because my business advice isn’t for you anyway.

And then they’re like it. I’m like, well, there we go. Exactly. So I think we all need to listen to this self sabotage training. I know that’s going to resonate with a lot of people. So I will make sure that I link. to that in the show notes underneath. Okay, final scenario, as we are getting towards the end of our time.

Being in person. Okay, I feel like coronavirus has made us all feel a lot more comfortable hiding behind a screen, networking on Facebook groups, doing everything digitally, and… That is amazing, but I do think it’s still really great to get out there and be in person, going to in person and networking events, wedding shows.

But confidence wise, people are really struggling with this right now because we’ve got cozy in our houses. So for the final round of tips, how do we feel more confident and being out there and being in person?

Camilla: I totally hear you with this one. And I’ve actually come full circle with it. And again, it’s, you know, you’re saying about comfort and we’re in our comfort zone.

I think at some point that comfort zone is going to become uncomfortable for you if it hasn’t already. And I think we’ve had this delay from COVID, whereas only now, I think we thought as soon as things opened up, we’d be like, yay, people. We weren’t, we were like, No, I’m really comfy here. Like I’ve got it sorted.

I can be on zoom. You know, there were things that maybe, you know, made easier, but I think, you know, a couple of years down the line, naturally we need even introverted sort of people, we do need human connection. So I think more and more people are wanting to get out, get out there a bit more, you know, they don’t want to network on online, but if you’re still kind of in that little cozy phase, and not quite sort of uncomfortable.

I’m sure you will get there. I think you’ve got to have a, you know, you’ve got to sort of actually recognize the fact that again, the world, you know, online is super, super noisy. There’s a lot of people on it. It’s really hard to cut through that and make an impression on someone through a screen. The energy is not there and people really connect with energy.

So for you personally, in terms of how, you know, You feeling connected and loved and cared for and supported. It’s really important that you physically go and meet people. And it’s also very important that the right people, because otherwise, you know, go the opposite way, but in order for, you know, for your business to thrive and to, you know, grow, you need to be out there connecting with people in person, because it will probably take you.

You know, five times the amount of time online in order to have that many interactions with someone to get through to them. So you might as well save yourself some time and get yourself out there and just build the connections in person far quicker. So a bit of a reframe for you, that one really.

Becca: Love it.

We’re basically we need to do lots of reframing and all of these different areas to help ourselves move forward. This has been such a fascinating conversation. I honestly could just keep on talking about it for hours, but we don’t have hours to spare. So I will make sure I link to the self sabotage training and also to your book in the show notes so that if people want to go deeper, they can.

Now I podcast with the same question. So I’m going to pose that to you now. And it’s this, what is one thing you personally wish you’d known sooner in your own wedding business?

Camilla: I think there’s so many things, there’s so many things, but I think I’ve already mentioned this as well. I think I wish I’d known that things were going to always be changing and so to not get too attached to things or the way things are now and really master that skill of agility and not, and not over identify with my business.

I think that’s actually. I’d be much further ahead with things had I not. Got so attached because that actually kept me stuck from over identifying with it, you know, very, it felt very hard to kind of move on from or change ways or pivot, you know, particularly sort of around COVID, that’s been a really tricky thing.

So having not got so attached to it and just always been aware that, you know, the world’s evolving, I’m evolving, things are going to change and being okay with that, it would have been, yeah, a much probably smoother and quicker progress with things.

Becca: Fabulous, fabulous advice for everyone. Camilla, it has been such a pleasure to have this conversation.

What’s coming up next for you? If people want to find out more about what you do, where’s the best place for them to go?

Camilla: Perfect. Thank you so much for having me. It’s been fab. So, my home on the internet, my little place in the world is camillacollins. com. I tend to hang around on Instagram most. But I am on Facebook as well.

So Camilla J. Collins, you’ll find me on both. And I’m literally full throttle on my retreat, which is coming up in January. It’s the first one I’ve ever run. I am bloody excited about it. It’s called the Reflect and Reconnect Retreat. Very much because obviously the industry I’m in, for, you know, winning an event.

Prose really, but to work on themselves because we give so much, to our couples and to our clients and, you know, while that’s wonderful, we need to fill our cup up too. So while there’ll be a bit sort of on business is very much a retreat for people to. reflect and reconnect with themselves and reset in a way for the new year ahead.

And that’s in January.

Becca: It sounds very exciting. I’m excited to see more about what comes from that. I know it will be amazing event. And as you know, I think retreats are amazing. So I wish you all of the best of luck with that Camilla. It’s been such a pleasure. Thanks for being here.

Camilla: Thank you so much for having me.

Pleasure’s been all mine.

Becca: What a fabulous episode. Wasn’t it such an interesting conversation? And I know that it will resonate with lots of you, some of the things that Camilla shared, and it may have brought things up. So don’t stop there. Do something with those thoughts. If you need to speak to someone, reach out to myself, reach out to Camilla, and maybe just stop, take a moment for yourselves and think through what is it that’s holding you back?

What are those limiting beliefs and how can you work on those to change the narrative? going forward. Have a fabulous week. Keep being unapologetically you and I’ll see you next time.

Becca xo

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