Networking, Education and taking care of you

Show notes:

Today I’m chatting with former Wedding Planner and current owner of the Refine Collective Amber Anderson. She shares her own story of starting a Wedding Planning Business and shares insights and learning’s from along the way. Amber also shares her story of a recent health crisis and what it’s taught her about life and business.

Visit Refine for Wedding Planners

Find Amber on Instagram

Time Stamps:

00:00 The Power of Education in Business Growth

00:32 Introducing Becca Pountney and the Podcast’s Mission

00:59 Special Guest Amber Anderson: A Journey from Fitness to Wedding Planning

01:32 Networking and Creativity: The Selfie Museum Event

03:13 Amber’s Business Beginnings and Learning Curves

06:02 The Importance of Networking and Choosing the Right Clients

10:43 Navigating the World of Business Education and Mentorship

15:18 Radical Honesty and Problem Solving in the Wedding Industry

19:37 Self-Care, Health Challenges, and Business Adjustments

31:34 Final Thoughts and Advice for Entrepreneurs


Amber: I started my business before education was really a thing in our industry. And gosh, what I wouldn’t have given to have it. And so now when I see it available to everyone and they don’t take advantage of it, I’m just like, I just want to reach out and just, I don’t know. I like what you’re wasting such an opportunity.

I would have, I mean, you can save years and years of trial and error and cost and all these mistakes if you just. Find the right education platform and lean in and you don’t reinvent the wheel.

Becca: I’m Becca Pountney, wedding business marketing expert, speaker and blogger, and you’re listening to the Wedding Pros Who Are Ready to Grow podcast.

I’m here to share with you actionable tips, strategies, and real life examples to help you take your wedding business to the next level. If you are an ambitious wedding business owner that wants to take your passion and use it to build a profitable, sustainable business, doing what you love, then you’re in the right place.

Let’s get going with today’s episode. Today I’m chatting with Amber Anderson. After a decade in weddings as owner of Heavenly Day Events in Austin, Texas, Amber now runs Refine for Wedding Planners. Amber Mentor’s new, aspiring and struggling planners and is known for her radical honesty. I had the pleasure of meeting Amber in person last year and I knew I absolutely needed to get her on the podcast.

Having attended her networking event at a selfie museum and having so many laughs, I knew she was on my wavelength. Life is too short to be serious. Amber, welcome to the podcast. Hi, thank you for having me. I am thrilled to have you. Now, before we get into this conversation, first of all, how much fun was the Selfie Museum?

I feel like that was a really inspired place to have a networking event.

Amber: It was, and it was something a little different than we had done in the past. We do this event every year leading up to Wedding MBA, and we just wanted to branch out and do something different. And we felt like, You know, we, we try to make it a networking, a networking event and give help for guidance going into it.

You know, how to be effective and efficient with networking and like what, what better way to network than, hey, can you take my picture? So lots of selfies, but also just vignettes where people were talking because we had a conversation starter in all these areas. It was super fun, super creative.

Becca: It was a really great idea.

It was so much fun. And I’m still using the pictures sometimes on my social media because I went around that place. I got so many pictures in so many places. Yeah.

Amber: We’re like, let’s help people create content and get to know each other, run around. Like, I don’t know. You don’t have to decorate that. I mean, it’s just a bunch of art everywhere, you know?

So it was fun. Yeah. We enjoyed it. I’m glad you got to come.

Becca: It was a lot of fun. I’m interested to see where it’s going to be when I’m back in Vegas this year because I don’t know how you’re going to top such a fun experience so we’ll have to watch this space to find out.

Amber: We’re struggling to figure it out because F Formula One is now going to do that every year and so no one will take our, no one’s letting out bids right now.

They’re like we’re, we usually have it booked by now but they won’t even talk to us this early now. It’s frustrating.

Becca: So who knows? We will, I’m sure we will find somewhere. It’s going to be a lot of fun, but it was a, it was a great night in the selfie museum. So I’m glad to have you here on the podcast for my UK listeners and those further afield can find out a bit more about you.

So take me back. I always like to take people back to the start of their journey. I think when we’re at here as experts is important for people to understand where we’ve come from ourselves. So yeah. Take me back, how did you get into wedding planning in the first place?

Amber: By complete accident. I have a kinesiology degree, so human health and anatomy.

You know, sciences and was a personal trainer outside of, you know, my studies, I, and then the world fell apart in the first big economic dip for my generation, you know, the Great Recession. So everyone, you know, Jim jobs at the gym were like nothing at that point. That was the first person that people let go.

So I ended up getting the nearest desk job and just kind of kept my head down. And I survived seven rounds of layoffs, which I’m, I’m just so proud of. I learned a lot through that, I think. And that has, you know, Carried over into owning a business. I think that was a really critical period of growth for me And but I’m not a desk job person And so this was at a big for accounting firm Deloitte and Touche and they do worldwide work but I was in Dallas and I Wanted to move my body.

So I maneuvered my way over to the event side their corporate event desk And so that helps me me learn a lot about events and large gatherings and organizing people and the logistics behind all of that. And then I met my husband and we moved to Austin and I transferred to the Austin office and I did not enjoy the, the culture was very different.

I didn’t, didn’t like that office here. And so after we got married, I, a friend of ours owns a wedding venue and he encouraged me. He’s like, he wanted me to come consult with him on what I knew about. events in general, and he encouraged me to start my own business. He said, you know what you’re doing, just do this.

And so I started my business with You know, he, he basically handed me 16 clients and that’s unusual, but I also had to learn by fire that year because they ended up having a, a neighbor dispute with that venue and the fire marshal came out and revoked some of their permits and we had to rehome the venue.

All of those clients, so here I am brand new wedding planner rehoming or I got to know people really fast and they saw my work ethic and doing that. And so I launched in that kind of wild way chaos.

Becca: Yeah, that is, that is wild. Sometimes that we learn the best when we’re thrown into the deep end, because that’s how we build experience.

That’s how we show that we’re really worth our weight and worth our time because we, we can deal with those crises and you learn from those things. But I think it’s interesting that you got handed those first clients, because one of the things I think particularly planners struggle with is where to land those first clients.

How do they find those first people to take a chance on them? Do you remember finding your first clients outside of that venue?

Amber: Yes, I think that really it came down to networking, and it came down to my personal network to beyond just, you know, business networking, because this was before Instagram, Facebook groups, and we had Facebook, but, and Instagram had just and I think that’s kind of popped up, but like we weren’t using these social media platforms for business at that point, I guess, is, you know, where I’m going with that.

This was, I didn’t have Pinterest to plan my wedding. You know, this was very, we were all on our own. So I really had to push those doors open and it really came down to conversations, conversations, and just making, putting myself out there. And I think that’s still the case for many of us today and good old fashioned.

Putting yourself out there really does work, but it’s it’s it’s hard and I did I don’t think I should have done this I did I did what I tell people not to do now I priced myself too low and of course people booked me still like oh cool 500. I’ll do that and But that’s not sustainable, you know, and I learned very quickly that that doesn’t attract the right clients.

I didn’t care for those clients. I had to adjust a lot. So I don’t think low pricing is the best way to do that. So that’s what I did. Don’t do that.

Becca: Yeah. And that is definitely a mistake. We see people. falling into all of the time thinking the cheaper I am, the more clients I’ll get. But very quickly you realize, and I’m really busy and these clients aren’t right for me and they’re taking me for everything that I’m worth.

So yeah, absolutely agree with you on that one. So when it comes to getting clients and I think what you said is very valid because actually I think I speak to a lot of people today here in 2024 who are relying far too much on social media and wondering why it’s not working for them. And actually I don’t think the landscape has changed as much as people think it is because like.

do think the best connections are getting yourself out there, going and meeting other vendors, getting in the right rooms, going and meeting people face to face. I mean, we started this interview, we met because we were in the same room in the same place.

Amber: 100 percent from, and, and we are peers from across the world, you know, and, you know, I was leading a session earlier today and my guest was a social media blogger.

And one thing that she was really, really emphasizing is that social media by and large for at least what we’re doing or what our, what wedding pros are doing. Cause there’s B to C, there’s B to B and there’s B to C. So like the model, the models are very different, but when it comes to being a wedding professional, what is the purpose of our social media?

Is it to get leads or is it to be. A qualifier when a lead, when, when someone hears about you and comes and checks you out and make sure that you’re the real deal and you look alive and you know, portfolios and information and everything checks out. I think that we as wedding professionals want it to be a lead generation and that doesn’t mean we’re not getting leads from it, but that’s not our lead source.

Our lead source It comes down to our network and our relationships and, you know, making ourselves known in, in, in conversation and asking our friends to tell, you know, Hey, do you know anyone getting engaged? Make the ask. We always assume someone’s going to leave a referral or, you know, share about us.

And it’s not that they won’t, but like, we have to ask them.

Becca: Just ask. Absolutely. So you talked about some of the mistakes you’ve made early on in your own planning career. So pricing yourself too low was one of them. Is there anything else that you, now you look back and you think, I really shouldn’t have done that.

I would never have taught someone to do this.

Amber: Oh, so many things. I worked solo on the day and my, my area of weddings, I was a wedding planner and, and I just don’t think that’s wise. I think we need to always have an assistant and it worked out and it worked out. I mean, I never had anything go wrong, fine and fair, but Does luck last forever?

Like at what point does that shoe drop it, and it creates damage in our relationships and our reputation? It hurts that network that we’re talking about because that really is where we get our leads. They see that and they’re like, this person isn’t set up for success and I don’t feel comfortable referring them anymore.

So having an assistant, also just from the standpoint of labor and sustainability and You know, fine and fair. I did that at 27, but I’m 40 now. I’m not, I can’t, I can’t, I physically cannot do that anymore. So I think that it’s important to have an assistant. I think also this was, I started my business before education was really a thing.

thing in our industry. And gosh, what I would have given to have it. And so now when I see it available to everyone and they don’t take advantage of it, I’m just like, I just want to reach out and just, I don’t know. I like what you’re wasting such an opportunity. I would have, I mean, you can save years and years of trial and error and cost and all these mistakes.

If you just Find the right education platform and lean in and don’t reinvent the wheel. Grab a template. Just, yeah, I reinvented a lot of wheels.

Becca: Yeah. I feel that frustration from you as well. And I see it too, because you think why is no one like, why aren’t people seeing how much further they can push their business?

If they invest in education, however, I also see the flip side where there’s so many educators out there. There’s so many people out there speaking so many messages. And I think sometimes it can be overwhelming for people. So do you have any thoughts on how people do work out? Okay. Should I listen to this person?

Who should I be following? Should I be listening to this person, this person? Cause there’s so many choices all out there and they’re not all equal.

Amber: No, they’re not. And I think a lot of it comes down to who’s a good personality fit, who delivers content in a way that your brain and your learning style receives it and absorbs it.

I, for example, my podcast episodes are 10 to 20 minutes and they’re so low. And I just like get out there and I just like word vomit a point and an idea and a suggestion. I’m done. I’m in and out. That’s a very different model than most. Right. And so that’s not going to work for some people. They want the full hour.

Some people are like, just give me five minutes and I’m done. So find, you know, your learning style. First off, find someone that aligns with your values as far as, and just beyond moralistic values. I mean, you know, your business model values, the kind of client you’re trying to attract, the kind of client you’re trying to repel.

I think that there are some educators that are a little more hand holding and like, Sweet and gentle and then you’ve got educators like me that are like I can’t be in your pocket forever So you got to learn to problem solve here’s here’s step a B and C to learn that and then Godspeed go do it And and I’m not gonna hold your hand I’m going to speak, you know truth into the situation so that it doesn’t take you a year to figure out what You know, it could take you a month if you just hear me out, I want to deliver that with tact and grace and empathy.

I don’t want to be mean about it. But so like find, find the right personality fit, find the right learning style. And I also think find meat, find real meat and potatoes and make sure that that person provides quality because I can’t tell you how many times I’ve bought something and I’m like, This is a canva template with like just a quick outline.

I want real information and so downloading their freebies in advance to get an idea of how thorough they might be and You can’t judge every freebie But I think just trying to vet it is helpful and getting on a phone call with them or a zoom call or asking them Can you point me to the right tools?

This is what I need I think a lot of times if we just ask those educators. Am I a right fit for you? We’re happy to tell you I have sent so many people You to someone I think is a better fit and I think, I think that’s a fair thing to do. So find people like that that you can trust, like are they just trying to sell you something or are they really care?

where you land. And last thing I’ll say on that is make sure that they have their, their platform and their tools in a well rounded captures all of a certain angle, all of a certain topic, all of a certain, you know, A to Z on something so that you don’t have to cherry pick everything on that topic.

Can you get everything on social media from that one person? Can you get everything from, you know, your wedding planning process from that person? And then Go from there.

Becca: Really, really great tips. And one thing I talk about a lot is smoke and mirrors. Be aware of the smoke and mirrors. So that means if people are promising the earth or promising the world, be really careful about it because

Amber: yeah, I think getting into these summits, you know, wedding series summit, For one so free shout out.

Hey Margo. Thanks for hosting that. I think when we sign up for things like that It’s a really low hanging fruit ticket price point wise to be able to Get a good idea of what all these different how these different educators lead and deliver right? It’s a great way to just get a feel for it and narrow down where you want to spend the rest of your time with education.

Becca: Yeah, absolutely. Really, really great tips. Now you call yourself radically honest. I think a bit of that came out in what you were just saying as well. So I would love to know, as you go into 2024, you’re speaking at various places. What are the radical honest truths that you are wanting to teach to wedding planners in 2024?

Amber: I’m actually trying to put a spin on how I can do this appropriately because I don’t want again. I’m so respectful of delivery intact and not being like Well, I see the problem. Here’s how you fix it. That’s just so hoity toity. I don’t want to be that An observation i’m really making in the industry right now is a lack of problem solving skills and I want to bring a call to action on that and, and help, help us understand that I think we’re all a little bit in denial of that.

It’s like, oh, I can, I think my team has problem solving skills, but I don’t have problem solving skills. And, or I don’t have, I don’t lack those skills. And I. I really want to talk more about that and whatever, how and however many opportunities I get for that. I want to create opportunities to talk about, you know, slowing down and reading and searching and trying to solve the problem before we just make it someone else’s problem.

I’m not your secretary. I’m not your admin. You know, did you try to solve the problem before you made someone else try to solve it for you? You know, there are just so many ways to unpack that. So problem solving is one that I like to talk about. I think also just the general concept of so many of us are charging four and five figures without ever being willing to invest that ourselves.

And I think it’s really important for us to know what it feels like. I’m not saying go spend four and five figures just to know what it feels like by any stretch, but let’s not nickel and dime when we’re asking our clients not to nickel and dime. I think that if we know what it feels like to spend that, then we learn what that expectation, why our clients expect what they expect of us.

And then we’re not so frustrated by them and their expectations. We understand like, oh, that’s fair. So that, and. I think the last one is just, I think wedding professionals often come into this industry based off of a creative skill set and a creative, you know, passion for serving and, and, and whatnot, but there’s a lack of business.

skill set that goes with that. And that’s okay. That’s why we’re here, right? Like Becca has tools and this podcast and you know, we’re all trying to help with that. But then for some reason it’s like, Oh, well that’s for somebody else. Or that’s not, we, it gets dismissed. And I don’t know that I understand that.

It’s like, there’s a, there’s a lack of, of acceptance for real business understanding and skill and strategy. And I think it’s keeping, it’s holding us back. I think the wedding industry is eons behind real business strategy.

Becca: Yeah, I totally agree with you. And I think for some reason, because it’s such a creative industry, often people fall into that hobbyist mindset where they don’t feel like they’re running a proper business because it’s fun.

And so it’s changing that perception and going, You can have fun and run a proper business and it’s okay to need help with that side of it. I always use the analogy to people I work with because I am a terrible baker, like really, really bad. And so I’ll say to people like, I am terrible at making cakes.

You’re good at making cakes. I’m really good at marketing. You’re not very good at marketing. So together we can create something great. And that’s okay. It’s okay to admit you’re not great at everything because we can’t all be good at every single aspect of business.

Amber: We can’t. And I think wedding pros really tried it.

A lot of us, and this is very, I’m going to speak in a very blanket stereotypical statement. way. And maybe even this is more applies to the States in the UK. But you know, a lot of us left corporate America or started families and we think, Oh, I’m going to be a wedding professional because I’ll get all, I’ll have flexibility for my family.

And then we ended up working 24 seven anyway, when we just don’t have to like, you really can have the 20 hour work week. And have boundaries and, you know, saying yes to everything really is not the kindest. Like, we think saying yes is kind, like that’s helpful, but it’s really, like, if you say yes, what are you really saying yes to?

What are you giving up to? You’re, when you say yes to something, you’re also, you’re sacrificing something else.

Becca: Yeah, absolutely. And that brings me on to the other thing that I wanted to talk to you about, Amber, because when I reached out to you about topics and things that you love to talk about ahead of this podcast, one thing you talked about in the email took me a bit by surprise because it wasn’t something that I thought was going to be top of the list of things you wanted to talk about, and that was self care.

And you kind of shared in there that that you’ve been through some stuff recently yourself and it’s really changed your perspective on your own self care and people thinking about self care. So I would love you to just share some of that story with the listeners and to just talk to us about what happened and why that’s changed your perspective.

Amber: Of course. So in, you know, the too long didn’t read nutshell, I got Lyme’s disease in my twenties and I now have chronic Lyme disease. So my infection goes dormant and then comes active and back and forth. And so anytime it comes active, it wakes up some gene in my body that was otherwise dormant. And now I have some new autoimmune thing to deal with.

So I hit a new autoimmune wall last summer and I almost died from it. And I had a real wake up call from how we operate. I think You know, in 2020, a lot of us slowed down, but that wasn’t realistic. That wasn’t a realistic thing to maintain. Right. And I think a lot of us, as we added things back, we were more intentional and didn’t, a lot of us try not to overdo it, but at some point we kind of gotten there.

And so what I have learned and know from my background in my health and science degree is that, you know, It’s so basic. It’s water, nutrition, move your body, get quality rest and, you know, but we don’t do any of those things. And then we’re like trying to fix it with a pill or fix it with the next freebie download or the next podcast or whatever it is.

Like we’re just seeking it in all the wrong places. And here in the States, we have lots of You know, our food is not, we have chemicals in our food that the UK doesn’t have. And like, it’s just, you know, our bodies are breaking down from it. It’s causing cancer and all these things. And so I wish so, if I could get anyone to hear anything at all, I think it’s You know, I would love for you to come to us and seek coaching and education, but I cannot fix any, I cannot help you with anything until you’re taking care of those things that I mentioned.

Water, nutrition, move your body, exercise, and rest. Every scientist everywhere. Every doctor everywhere that is that is the cornerstone of it and until those things are being you know minded We can’t do anything else. We’re just adding to the problem. We’re just adding stress We’re just adding more to do or just you know, and so I By being forced to lay down.

I read a hundred and forty one books last year Becca and like what? Blew my mind didn’t know that could be done, but I was on doctor’s orders like every single day Lay in your bed, and I realized my business didn’t fall apart. It changed a little, right? Like I was not as present, fair enough, but I actually made more money Not because I built these systems and I put it in place so that I could I I could withstand an emergency so those things are really important and but I I saw that water, nutrition, food is medicine, I saw that water and clean, clean, quality food, moving my body in the tune that’s not more stress on my body, and quality rest have, it stopped a heart attack, like it backed all this stuff up that people usually just throw pills at.

So those four things can save lives, they can prevent The stress of burnout, they can prevent, you know, having to overwork and now I understand when I come to my desk like that email does not have to be answered right now because guess what for the last year I didn’t answer them all that fast and nothing, no, nothing fell apart.

Yes, I want to be communicative. I don’t want to be disrespectful, but I think that we put ourselves in this, you know, spiral of urgency that we create. It doesn’t have, it doesn’t have to be that way, so I just think if we can, I really would encourage everyone to slow down and really think about those things that we’re told over and over and over and over again about self care, neglect, like, those are the things, y’all.

Becca: Yeah, it is going back to some of those basics, really. But I mean, for you, though, because you’re a motivated, driven person, you’ve got a successful business, and all of a sudden, you basically had to lie down and read 140 books. Now, for some people, that isn’t the situation they’re in. But they may find themselves in a situation where something happens in their family, they lose someone they love, and all of a sudden it feels like the world’s fallen out from underneath them.

They, they, it’s an unexpected bump in the road in their business. How did you manage that? How did you stay positive? How did you keep yourself going?

Amber: Admittedly, I’m not sure that I did stay positive. I think that you could ask those in my close circle or even those that just watched and observed, I think that they probably saw a pretty negative window from me.

And I think that. You know, certainly on boxer, there were a handful of inner circle folks that got a lot of rants on the days and like, Oh, this stupid email, you know, and, but I tried my very best to keep it to that small circle and ensure that they knew what was going on so that they could be supportive and without judging me and, and also hold me accountable to, Hey, I think that I, I think my, this might not be what you’re thinking it is or whatever it is.

You know, you gotta use health, helpful language when you’re talking to your peers in this way, but I, I tried to have accountability. I tried to have self awareness. That was important to me. You can’t always know it, but I, I worked to At least try. And I think if we at least try, then we do catch it sometimes.

But I do think that there was, I do think that my general, I think that people saw a side of negativity from me and I had to shift my mindset to not necessarily being okay with that, but Accepting it and knowing that it doesn’t have to be forever and knowing that I have there is a real reason and that those that stay Are staying for a reason and that those that leave Might mean to leave for I just accepted that what happens needs to happen and then it’ll all be okay and that so I I I don’t think I stayed positive or you know, motivated.

I think I really just put one foot in front of the other and took it. I, I, there were so many times last year, Becca, that I, I said to myself, hour by hour, just get through the next hour, just get through the next hour. That got, that did it for me. And again, we’re all so different, but a lot of this comes down to making a choice.

Get up, fill up your water bottle, drink it. You know, I don’t want to do it anyway. And we just have to make those those choices.

Becca: Yeah, and looking after ourselves is one of the hardest things. I think it’s ironic because like you said earlier, so often people go into this industry, they think it’s fun, they think it’ll give them time back, they end up working all the hours, and so often I’ll have conversations with people where I say, imagine you were your own boss right now, and you are working all these hours, you’re getting no money, you’re never taking a holiday, you’re never doing anything, you would be really angry at that boss.

So why are you doing this to yourself? So since you’ve come out the other side or you’re where you are now, how has it changed your working week? Are you doing things differently? Are you taking breaks? Or is it a bit post COVID where you’ve just got back into the old rhythm again and you’re just back to a hundred percent?

Amber: Yeah. Well, I think, you know, when stressors are behind us or when health issues are behind us, we just naturally feel better and more motivated, right? So there’s a level of excitement that hasn’t existed for a while. And, you know, I’m such a visionary and I feel like that got dulled last year. And now I’m like, Oh, these new ideas and there’s not enough time to do them all.

And, and so I’m excited again, but I think now I’m, I’m, I’m going back to what worked before And then adding some things to what worked before was making sure that all those ideas get documented. So I don’t feel like they all have to be done right now. And, you know, making sure they fit into the right quarterly bucket and, and right timeframe for my business.

And, you know, so I don’t overextend myself again, because if I, again, I say yes to too many things, then I’m just gonna be right back to where I was. And that, that serves no one. So, you know Managing my yeses and my nose is really big. It’s a big, big thing for all of us. And then I think, you know, I’m really big on work less.

Make more and I’ve seen that work really well in my life with both my planning business and my education platform. And so I know I like it works because I’m doing it. I know it works. I, it’s not just like, yeah, work less, make more, come pay me. I’ll teach you. It’s like, no, I’m actually doing it. And so I stick to that.

And so what I do is I end up finding, I make sure that I, I, I, I plan out my personal life the way I want it to be. And then. Whatever time is left, I will work. And that doesn’t always work, right? Like sometimes you just have to go to work and be an adult, right? But like, I plan my personal life. I plan my business around my personal life and that has created a lot of, that’s been successful for me.

Becca: That’s a really great perspective to have and I think so many people do it the other way around but you’re right when you put the personal things in first and work everything else around it you leave space for those personal things otherwise business just crowds in and you just end up doing business all the time.


Amber: And it’ll all get done, or if it doesn’t, then did it need to get done? I mean, you know, and I think also one really valuable lesson I learned last year, and I’ll give the credit to Jenna Kutcher she wrote How Are You Really, the book, and she, she launched it last year or the year before, and I read it last year.

One of her big premises in there is finding your enough point. And I think that we as entrepreneurs and small business owners, and especially creatives and visionaries, You know, we, we have all these goals and then we accomplish them. And then it’s, it’s not uncommon for us to hit a, some level of depression.

Cause it’s like, well, now what the motivate we, we thrive on go, go, go and achieve, achieve, achieve. And once we achieve it, it’s like, I, what am I like? I’m not, not like doomsday. What am I living for? But just like that, what, what’s my purpose? We have to redefine our purpose. And, and she talks about, you know, a lot of us left.

You know, our corporate jobs so that we could have flexibility and personal lives to build our businesses around. And here we are doing the opposite because we’re just keep, we keep adding every time you meet the goal, we add a new one and that’s not bad, right? But it, what is our enough point? At what point do we say, you know what?

This is what I dreamed of. And this is enough and I am not going to add to my list. I am just going to live it. I’m just going to live it and be okay with it and I’m going to, I’m going to step on imposter syndrome and not worry about what everyone else is doing because my goals are different and I am going to live my life.

Becca: So, so important. And we do have to remind ourselves of that for the benefit of the listener right behind me, as we’re recording this, I have a sign to remind myself of this every day, right behind me, it says you are enough because I have to remind myself of that daily because we are as entrepreneurs, we’re always striving to do the next thing to hit the next goal.

And actually, sometimes we can just chill out a bit. We can just take a seat.

Amber: I like knowing that. Yeah. If I, yeah, I can do it. I know I can do it. I’ve done a lot of really hard things. But do I have to do it?

Becca: Yeah, exactly. You know, exactly that. Now, there’s going to be a few people listening. But so before this, before we wrap this up, I just want to go into this little bit because I think there’ll be some people listening who are in a bit of a dip in the road right now.

It may not be a personal circumstance. It may just be to do with their business. I think businesses go through roller coasters and I think people will be hitting a point where they’re maybe newer into the industry. Maybe they’re trying to make it as a planner and they’re just feeling like. I’m just going to give this up.

Like, this is hard. I don’t know what to do next. Have you got any kind of practical tips or advice for people who are in that space? What’s a couple of things they could do to just try and move their business forward and kind of get out of that mindset?

Amber: Yeah, I think experience sharing quite frankly. I When I found myself in that position about three years into my business I found a mentor and a coach and that’s actually how I discovered Refine.

I did not experience start and create refine. I, I acquired and purchased it in 2018 from my business mentor. And so I’m, I’m a result of refine. I went through the program and it, quite frankly, I will attribute that to getting my marriage back, my motherhood back, my joy in business back. Like I was just, I hit that wall.

I didn’t, it wasn’t fun. I didn’t want to do it. I was working too much for too little. And, you know, my kids were just. Growing up with, you know a mom behind a computer, a computer screen and our phone and so having found a mentor really helped me and making sure that my business was running efficiently with automation and that I was outsourcing and, you know, It’s easy to say it takes money to make money.

And that is true. It’s absolutely true, but it has to be thrown at the right things. It has to have, you have to really evaluate and study ROI and where you’re investing and outsourcing. And I think for me, it started with, what do I not like doing? And what, what am I not good at doing? Okay. Well, What would it mean to have someone else do those things or sometimes again?

Like I said, you have to just show up and do hard things that you don’t like is what it is Maybe there are some things that I like doing But it’s not the best use of my time because I don’t make money doing it, right? Like I need to spend my time where I’m making money. So maybe sometimes even those get outsourced But I find my motivation comes from fresh ideas surrounding myself with people You My whole mantra is never be the smartest person in the room, always surround yourself with brilliant people with, you know, creatives and visionaries and, and that can either be mentorship that you pay for, or it can be, I’m going to, I’m going to start a group of five people and we meet once a month and just download together.

And Getting audits on my business, I think has always been really helpful. An outside look, someone willing to be honest and say, Hey, as a consumer, if I jump on your website, this is how I see it, you know? And so having real honest feedback on, you know, websites, social media, your, your offerings and how they’re delivered, things like that can, can generate ideas and excitement.

Becca: Yeah, definitely. I think an outside perspective on what you’re doing is so important because we spend so long in our own businesses inside our own heads and I can go on to someone else’s website and I could give them a full review of their website. But if someone else went on my website, they could probably do the same for me because, you know, we can’t see what’s right in front of us, what we’re living all of the time.

And I see that a lot, actually, with people. professionals when they’re at a kind of a dip in the road. They do just need that outside perspective, someone to give them a new idea or something to come in to take them to that next place.

Amber: And if you really want that, if you’re listening and you really want that, you really want someone to be honest with you about it.

When you go to them and ask them whether you paid them to do it or it’s, you know, a case study with a group of friends or whatever, tell them that like, emphasize it as much as you can in the front. Like you only helped me by being honest. I, this only, the only reason we’re here is because I desperately need.

your true feedback. So don’t sugarcoat it. Don’t try to, you know, salvage my feelings here. Obviously deliver with kindness. Like, don’t, don’t tear me apart here. But like, really and truly, like, I, I can only grow with your honesty. And when they see that you’re, you’re going to receive it and you’re teachable, you’re more likely to get the help that you need.

Becca: Yeah, absolutely. Amber, it’s been such a pleasure talking to you. We’ve gone all over the houses. I’ve loved it. We’ve talked about so many different topics and you’ve given so many great pieces of advice, but I always end the podcast with the same question. So I’m going to give that one to you now. And it’s this, what is one thing you personally wish you’d known sooner in your own life?


Amber: It’s funny. We were talking earlier. I was like, Oh no, I’m answering. I’m already answering that question. I think having a mentor, having someone that I could call or text or, you know, know is I have a meeting already scheduled with in a week or two was, I wish I had had that sooner in my business.

I really do.

Becca: Yeah, absolutely. And the accountability part of that as well. I always find if I’m meeting someone and I’ve got to have done something by the time I meet them, it always makes me do it. It’s a bit like going to like Slimming World or whatever and knowing that you’ve got to stand on those scales, it gives you the motivation to do it.

I’m exactly the same if I have a mentor in my business. Like, I do not want to let them down. If they’ve set me a task to do, I’m going to go back there and I’m going to show them they did it. So it sounds like you’re the same kind of way.

Amber: Same, but also having a quality mentor that allows you to show up because without having done it.

not consist, not all the time, but will also extend grace and like, you know what, this does have a new business and, and then, and then leads you well through that too.

Becca: Yeah, absolutely. Amber, if people want to find out more about you, if they want to find out more about Refine, where’s the best places for them to find you on the internet?

Amber: Thank you for asking. You can go to right now, Instagram is the best place. So, Refine for wedding planners. And then same with the website www. refinedforweddingplanners. com And I have I try to bridge the gap between all different categories. So focus is on planners, but I want to hear from all of you.

if you, if you hear me teaching something, you’re like, that hurts my category. Please. shoot me a DM and say, ah, reteach that. I want to hear it.

Becca: Yeah, absolutely. Do reach out to Amber. If you’ve heard something in this episode that’s resonated with you, or maybe the stuff around health, she’s put together some great resources to help people who are going through similar health issues.

So if that is you and that speaks to you, reach out to her in the DMs. I’m sure she would love to share that with you. Amber, it’s been so much fun. I cannot wait to see you in person somewhere soon, maybe here in the UK, definitely in Vegas. I’m looking forward to more selfies. Thank you so much. You’re welcome.

I love that conversation with Amber. We went all over the place, but there was so many nuggets of gold in there. I always love hearing people’s stories. I think we learn so much from other people’s experiences. And as I said earlier in the episode, if something resonated with you and you want to talk about it further, do reach out to Amber, reach out to me.

Don’t face it alone. See you next time.

Becca xo